My Hubby, Neighborhood Cop

My hubby, Chris, was recently credited with busting some neighborhood bandits. Below is an email from one of the neighbors highlighting the bust. It's so hilarious, I couldn't resist posting it. Enjoy!

"After being plagued by burglaries over the last few months, our streets are once again safe due to the heroic acts of one of our own. Earlier yesterday, self-proclaimed neighborhood heartthrob, Chris Page, singlehandedly cracked open a cat burglary ring that had been targeting unsuspecting homeowners in our neighborhood. Page conducted surveillance and nabbed the perpetrators while being guised as actually doing some work in his redneck truck. He was able to snap photos and write down tag information that cracked open a case that had previously baffled Tampa’s finest. Tampa Police were stumped by the lack of evidence from prior burglaries and have credited Page with the arrest. The burglars quickly confessed to their dastardly deeds after being confronted by the overwhelming evidence that Page collected.

It is rumored that the burglars had originally targeted the Johansen residence. However, after seeing the junk that they were trying to pawn off on unsuspecting Tampa Tribune readers as “merchandise” during this weekend’s yard sale, the burglars decided that the house on the corner was a safer bet for valuable booty. The burglars had no interest in the Carreja residence. They confessed to being petrified at the stellar security measures that the Carreja’s are using to protect their home. In addition to a state of the art security system, the Carrejas employ two loud standard poodles that have been expertly trained in the ancient martial art of Poo-Jitsu. The burglars recounted seeing one of the dogs eating ornaments and licking his chops while eyeing them through the window. The other dog was dragging a couch across the first floor of the home. One burglar commented, “It was just too scary to consider that place. Those dogs are crazy!”

The Page residence was also safe. The burglars had no interest in dealing with three screaming kids.

Three Cheers for Page! Our neighborhood hero."

Wii Fit is controlling my Life!

I recieved a Wii Fit Plus from my husband for my birthday this week. Before you go, "that is WRONG", I asked for one, thinking that it would be fun to play with the kids. Sometimes I just need a break from all of the running/swimming/biking doldrums. Plus, it's fun and it's a VIDEO GAME. Who could ask for anything more? No longer will video games be for the un-fit and un-motivated. Get up! Get active! Work out! Play a VIDEO GAME!!!!!!! I'm in heaven!

It's now day 4 of my workouts and I'm having a blast. I've conquered so many games, unlocked the "advanced" portion of many of the courses, I think I'm the BOMB. At this pace, I'll have lost those last five baby-pounds before Thanksgiving! I found out that I'm really good at golf (who'da thought?) and I'm fantastic at Snowball throwing. I suck at Step class (like, who cares?) and I can't snowboard, ski, juggle, or travel in a bubble.

That being said, the Wii is also making me paranoid and hurting my self-esteem. It tells me that I am "unbalanced". Really. Well, who wouldn't be? I'm a 39 year old mom of three who can't snowboard or skateboard! It told me this morning while I was doing my strength and balance workout that I was "shaky" and that standing in one place wasn't my "strong suit". Really. REALLY. Oh, and I lean to the left. And I'm stronger on my left than my right even though I'm right handed. It can't quite figure that one out. Here's the reason - carry three kids on your left hip over the last eight years while you do everything with your right hand and see if you don't list to the left. Yeah, take that, Wii Fit Plus trainer-bitch. Didn't ask me THAT question, didya?! And to make matters worse, it sprung a Memory and Agility test on me this morning, which I failed miserably making my "Wii Fit Age" a dismal 44. Great.

Nevertheless, I will continue to kick butt on the soccer headbutts, the flying chicken and the hula hoop. Hopefully I'll hit my "goal" by the time Turkey Time is here. I pray that it won't ask me to do anything too challenging, like balancing on one leg while twirling a baton or something.

Oh, and by the way, Big Kid, who's almost nine, kicked my rear end in biking. Yes, biking. Sigh.........

Same Poop, Different Day

For those of you who've already heard me tell this story, I apologize. It's just too good, too funny and I must share.

Setting: Saturday, mid-morning while I'm toiling away at work.
Players: Big girl, Kid #1 and Mid-kid, Kid #2.

Although they are 5 years apart (8 and 3), these two fight like, well, sisters. I guess Mid-kid was trying to get into Big Girl's room (MAJOR no-no) and she had a fit. There was yelling, slamming doors and I'm sure there was name-calling as well. Hubby was probably downstairs with Baby Love (Kid #3) keeping her from stealing the car or something. I understand that Mid-Kid decided that she'd had enough of Big Girl and was going to plot some revenge.

Fast forward to around 5pm that evening. I hear a piercing scream from upstairs as Big Girl screeches, "MOMMY! YOU'RE NOT GOING TO BELIEVE WHAT MID-KID DID!" Of course, I run upstairs as fast as I can, expecting that there was going to be a shoe floating in the aquarium (has happened) or possibly one of the prized Pokemon stuffed toys was going to be beheaded. I get to the door of Big Girl's room and she's got this crazed, incredulous look on her face. And here it comes......."MID-KID POOPED IN MY ROOM. ON MY FLOOR. RIGHT THERE. AND I'M NOT CLEANING IT UP!"

Insert many giggles right here. If you're a mom, you've heard this one before in many different forms.

Mid-kid comes trotting into the room, looking all innocent. I ask her, "Mid-kid, did you poop on Big Girl's floor?" "Nope" she says. "Who did it?" I ask. "Baby Love", she replies. Yeah right. Like Baby Love can remove her pants and diaper and poop a perfect little 3 inch sausage right in the middle of her floor. I ask her two more times and she blames Daddy and Mommy. All with a perfect, innocent expression. Lordy, this child can lie. Not good.

I make her clean it up, of course, and then sit her on the closed toilet lid to discuss what she did and why she did it. "She was mean to me". That's the explanation I got, as I tried not to burst out laughing at the entire incident. Not laughing was Big Girl, who to this day will NOT walk on the spot where the poop was found, even though I cleaned it with bleach water.

Life is going to be REALLY interesting with these little ones.

Soapmaking as therapy

I just realized today that soapmaking is therapy. You know when you're mad at your husband or boyfriend and you feel like you have to clean? I mean, REALLY clean?! There's something about scrubbing, putting away dishes, folding clothes that helps you to really FOCUS on what it was that really pissed you off. I spent the last two days in the shop making soap - LOTS of soap. I am ramping up for my hopefully busy holiday sales season and need a ton of soap. I've made over 200 bars in two days and I feel re--energized. I've spent this time soapmaking but also reflecting on the what, where, and why of my business. Did I get anywhere? Absolutely. I have a clearer plan for 2010 and I feel like I've got some direction on how to get there.

So, next time you're pissed or just need some time to reflect, find something that keeps your hands busy so that your mind wanders. You may be surprised where it takes you. Or, you'll just have a clean house.